The memory.

Another day without you. Another empty day without you. I never expect we turn this way. As I know, every argument we had never continuously stay without settle-up. But that day is different. We're still didn't get back and talk. Its happen for sudden, that night we're on call, no argument at all, but it start when my friend ask me something then I response to her. But I really not realize that he actually mad cause I'm talking with someone else while we're on call. He said it's better we're not talking, while I'm busy talking with my friend. Then I ask him back, 'why?', and there's a beginning of the crisis. He raised his voice on me. And for sure, I'll automatically will lost mood when he act like that. We're keep talking, curse each other, and the most damn word out from my mouth, 'Let me go' and 'Im bored with you'. Everyone! you can blame me for everything that happened. You can blame me. I deserve it. I'm so careless to care his feelings, I didn't learn to appreciate what I have, I being so rude, always been empower by my temper, control him too much, while the worse thing, I will lost my mood when he tell that he'll go to his friend's house or anywhere. But I being that way for a many reason. I don't want anything happen to him cause I know his body not that strong for doing active-exercises, I'm worry if anything happen to him, I'm worry cause his disease. I mad for everything. Peoples are right, I'm selfish. I should understand him well, I should give him a space to breath, I should't guide him too much cause that make him annoying. I'm sorry for being this worse. I'm sorry for everything. Last night was the first day ever I ask a question, whether you still love me or no. And the answer is no. And the second question is, you still need me or no, and the answer? No. How speechless I am. How shock I am. I feel like I'm dreaming and I say to myself that everything gonna be better, now it just a test for us. I said I'll wait for him, I'll give space and time for him to think everything, the answer is still No. He don't need it already. After I'd hurt him so much, after he being so nice to me but I blind about it, after I put a scar in his heart, after I make him suffer, after I got a many chances, and he said, there's no more chance. God know how I feels, god know everything inside. Tears can't change a thing. I make a confession with my mum how hurt I am when lose him, Its hard for survive, its hard for take a breathe, its hard for do my daily-jobs without him. I used to everyday communicate with him. On the morning, On night, we're always talking. I miss when he said that he missing me a lot with his baby-voice. I really miss when he say he love me so much, I miss everything. We're know each other since form 1 on our primary school. We're began to build a relationship since 15 july 2010. I never can expect he will easily lost love to me. I never expect that. I realize I did a lot mistakes, and the same thing that you always remind me, don't make you mad if I don't want to see we both argue. I say yes. I deal with it. But at the time I can't control my mad, I just simply say whatever thing I want to say without put a patience. I should control all of it, my ego. My temper. I just too blind to judge him. He ever tell me once, 'appreciate people I love before the person gone away'. My ego always drive me into mad until I forget what he'd oftenly tell me. Its been for 5 years and its not easy to forget everything. I may take no time to forget. Regret can't change the thing back. Just for his know, if I ever get a last opportunity to change everything, I'll do. Willing to do. I got a lot of chance actually but I ruined it. Everyone! I supposed be blame. Having someone like you is the best thing happened in my life and find someone totally same as you, it's impossible. What I do now? I start to do everything he ask that I not really put attention before. He always advice me to eat early, sleep early, have my shower early, don't wasting time and the most important, disciplined in managing time. I change at the time he already leave. It's no use. I wish can soften his heart as before. I pray every night and everything, please god, give him back to me. Its really painful through each day without him. For those say, 'take it easy', its easy for you guys, but you really don't feel it. How supposed you understand that god really open my eyes and my heart now? I'm sorry for that night, I being so rude. It's not my intention for being that way, I didn't mean it. I should be silence and admit all the fault but I can't hold my temper, and that make everything damn word out of my mouth. I believe in one thing, if we're meant to be, even we're be like this now, when the time come, we will be united again. Maybe not tomorrow but sooner of the day. You said your heart is empty now and there's no any love for me already. I let everything to god. I always pray. My mum gave me much support, my aunts cheer me up, my friends make joke infront me, thanks everyone. You can see I'm smile even I try so hard to make it, but doesn't mean it sincere. Crying can't change the thing back to normal, a lot thing I said but still, he don't want to listen already. I can't forget him even in a minute while almost everything I see remind me of him, the snoopy, the earphone, the sweater, the ring, the neckless, the couple-shirt, the picture that I put in closet, his picture in my wallet, in my cellphone, the eggy-lamp and the MEMORIES. I'm sorry to say, I can't stop loving you. You'll be the last. I believe, faith will bring us back if our love is strong. I believe it. I really love you. Really and really love you. If I have a last chance, I'll change everything and my promise is to make the thing right. I do love you so much even you don't have any feeling already :')

I believe our love is strong. I believe it.........