Damn! my life damn now. A little-bit insecure and really can't run smoothly. I just sent email to him, I try so hard to persuade, but my plan isn't works at all. I'm sad, I'm loose, I'm disapointed, I'm frust. But I still believe, it won't be end. I trust on miracle. I just really can't wait finish my second-last-paper ths may 7. Both paper on morning and night. Then I just wait a little bit patient for the upcoming 11/may soon. I'll back in sabah. And I'll meet him that day. I really hope everything get back as usual, and I can win his heart back as before. I am nothing and alone without him. All day means nothing and zero to me already. Around me can having their fun, laugh as they want, entertain their self as well, happy for no problems at all, but me? since he left, I just can see, the day and night really mean nothing. I pray everyday, I talk ownself, he'll come back. I'm sure and really certain. But, deepin my heart, there's a whisper and antonymous-sound, keep telling me that actually I just so idiot for hoping someone that already gone. But, I deny it. I againts it, I know. There will be a bright shine to me. To him. For 'us'. I trust this relation still can be save, be protect and be gain. I trust it. I pray for all night before sleep, please god, give him back to me. And please. Only with you I can beg. God! Fulfil it :(
I'm tired for crying, I'm tired, but sometimes tears randomly come-out. I hate being this. I'm weak :( I can feel my body isn't strong and tough as before at the time he being beside. I can feel it. I try to disapears for two days, without sent sms, calls. Two-days! But I don't know why, today I create a video, sing a serenade. I sent to his email, I hope he watching. Then I dare my little-finger to text him, I ask him to check his email, then at last, the response? 'Thanks for the video, take care'. My tears drop once again. I wish, he can say once again, 'I love you mumy'. I just don't know whether things would change or no. Tell me. Tell me! What else can I do?:( What? Why its easy for him to lost love? why? :( Am I insane for keep doing such a stupid thing as now? Crying, crying. Darn it. I try to face it. I try to stay strong. But in some side, I'm weak and can't accept the fact. I hope for the miracle this may 11.
'Dy, I miss you. Really miss you. Please. Don't go for a long time :( I still need you. I still need us. I still can see a light in our future-life as we had plan. I can't find someone better than you as you ask for. And I won't find at all. Let you be the last. I hate our status now. I hate we being this way. I really don't willing to let all thing go. We had plan a lot of future-plan dy. Where is the old you that I know? Loving, caring. Never want to get far with me, where are you now? I might be crazy :( Please don't treat me this way. I lose my soul now :( I am complete when you are beside. And I am empty without you. :( I'm sick, I'm weak, I'm fall. I lose everything since I lose you :( I miss you. Still loving you. Please come back dy' :(
God, I know you are loving to your servant. Please, I just need this one thing, Please fulfil. I need him :( Please smoothen his heart. I am the weaker until he come back to me. God, please fulfil :( Amin................
