3.35 A.m and I haven't sleep yet. Well, ghost-eyes right? XD
Diary for today? I just can say, I'm happy for having this loyal-blog. Since a few days, I really need it. Yesterday, I mean 8/may, I knew everything eventually. The day before, On call with him, even I shouldn't call him anymore but my hand really force me to do so. Talk by talk, and I ask whether he like that girl, and he admit. Yes, lastly he found my replacement. I'm a bit shock, it just been a week and something we break-up and he easily open heart for someone else. I know I don't deserve to say this, but really. I am shock. I really not expect it. I fight for the relation, I fight for the LOVE, but he giving up so early. He even get new replacement. I lie if I say I am not. I keep this pain from everyone infront me. I just don't want to make them worry cause for me, its enough to give trouble to others. As I did to 'him'. *My existence cuma menyusahkan hidup dea'. Last night I said that I won't disturb him anymore, and his answer? 'Up to you to bother or no', and thats enough-explained. He really throw me out of his life. After he get other girl. They smile and happy there while I am fucking worse here. Nevermind, I still have my lovely-parents, my family, and my friends beside. Allah also always there for me :')
I just can pray for his happiness with his new life and new love. While me? I already promise to myself, I won't fall into Love relation anymore. I'd fulfil the promise I made. I ever told him, 'He will be the last'. And yes, he was the last. I won't merely open my heart to anyone after what had happened. Its really painful. Its pain when you see someone you love most are now love someone else. The person you never expect can lost their love to you but they eventually change and be with someone else. I know 'him' for a long time, but the girl just know him for a very short-time, I hope she can understand him the way I did. I hope she can love him the way I did. I remember all his attitude, how he was, what he like, what he don't, I know and remember everything. I even accept him for who he was, bad or no, I already accept eveything, I hope the girl can do the same way that I did. I drop sincere tears when I really sad. He just don't know. Cause I don't show it. I don't want to make him get sad. When he share about his problems, family matter or anything bout him, when he was in trouble, when he sad, when he despair, I pray for him actually. I cry over all the thing but I just don't show. Every night I will remember him before I went to sleep. I did pray for god, to make my relation stay everlast. I wish everything the best for him, everything. But god didn't mean it. He lend me 'his love' just for a while and he take it back. Thanks god. Thanks for everything you present to me. Having him is the most happiest thing in my life even we're not mean to be. I hope he will be happy with the girl. 'Melanie akang', you should feel grateful for having him. You're such a lucky girl cause he can love you. Never wasting his love. Please take a good care for him, never hurt him, don't ever make him mad. Never ever. Take care of him. Don't let he drink cause it affect so bad to him. Make sure you shower early, cause he don't like to know you haven't shower yet. Makesure you eat, he will worry if you aren't. Makesure you always communicate with him cause he such a jealousy-soul that sometimes make you confuse. Makesure you loyal and protect him. I hope you can learn to know him well as I did. God, its heavy to let him, but for his happiness, I'm willing so. As he said, I just make him suffer. Yes I know that so well. But atleast god gave me chance to knowing you. Thanks for all the memories. Never can be forget and can't be erase. All things with you will stay in my heart mohd hafeez. I pray the best for you. I did love you even its too hard for me seeing you happy with other girl. Anyway, I can't wait for my flight this saturday. I want to hug my mum, She's the best mum that always make me strong. Without her, I won't try to wake up as now. I know Allah plan something good in my future. I'm sorry. I can't be the way you want hafeez. I'm full with bad thing, imperfect, Im not beautiful like *her. Beside, I realize who are me compared to yours. We'll never can be together unless god ask for. Thanks for elice, noh and carol. The rest too. They entertain me so much. Give advice etc. This is what people call as LIFE. Sad and happy are always there. Come with lot of test to us. God just want to see how far we can put a patience for everything he give to us. Thanks god. Thanks a lot. :)
